It’s A Bird! It’s A Plane! No, It’s Anti-Radiation Underwear Man!


We knew this day would come: electronics are bad for your balls. Are you really surprised? We’re not. Those doodads kept next to ours are powerful technology. They have changed the way we live, mostly for the better. But the radio frequency and WIFI signals put out by those gadgets can be harmful to our sperm.

The various and powerful electromagnetic waves — think microwaves, and then remember what was said about those back in the day — can turn 25% of a man’s active sperm into lethargic slowpokes. That behavior directly conflicts a sperm’s number one job: to swim. Even worse is that laptops, which produce many more electromagnetic waves, can actually alter the DNA of your sperm.  Also, the long term effects of permanently storing your cellphone in your pocket could lead to a variety of risks for your reproductive organs, too harrowing to list.

We’re making the call! For the betterment of mankind’s manhood: trash your phones! Ditch your computers! Backwards in time we go!  …No? You don’t want to give up your tech? Of course you don’t. Neither do we. So what do we do?

Thankfully Wireless Armour boxer briefs are currently under way. No joke: these are actual Anti-Radiation Underwear. These cotton undies that actually deflect the electromagnetic radiation come for your boys!  The underwear creates what is known as a Faraday Cage. We will give you points if you’ve been watching Cosmos and already learned who Michael Faraday was. The cage is designed to repel up to 99.99 percent of radiation put out by your wireless devices. Text, talk, tweet, write long winded emails naked, it’s going to be ok.

Hopefully. Wireless Amrour Underwear is currently crowd funding through an indiegogo campaign to raise the fifty thousand dollars it needs to mass-produce the protective underwear. They are just at over 20 grand, with only nine days left.

The idea is the brainchild of British Physics teacher Joseph Perkins, who felt called to action after reading the dismal statistics associated with electronics and their effect on our members.

Still not convinced? Well, Perkins designed the creation with an added bonus. They are antimicrobial so they will keep your ‘fresher for longer.’ Here’s to hoping the species will be around long enough to notice.

Will you make the trade: lose the phone, keep the testicles? Or will you invest in the company? Let us know with a comment below or by tweeting @underwearexpert.


0 thoughts on “It’s A Bird! It’s A Plane! No, It’s Anti-Radiation Underwear Man!

  1. Robert C. Visconti says:

    With the introduction of underwear that glows in the dark, I suspected that the next thing that would come down the pike. would be underwear that protects your sperm production. How into yourself would a person have to be to think his balls needed protection from Wi-Fi signals emanating from his wireless devices. I have never carried any wireless device on my person. I have a book bag, and my cell phone rides there, well away from my low hangers. Thank you for worrying about my equipment, though.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *