What Your Underwear Really Says About You

So you’ve reached that great moment… the night has gone well, dinner was lovely, drinks were intoxicating and you’re invited up for coffee; you two retire to the bedroom, unsnap the pants and then [yes!], it’s time to reveal your underwear choice for the evening. Underwear can produce snap judgements from your partner, so we hope you chose wisely–we’ve narrowed down what your underwear choice might just be screaming about you.

Brief: You’re the boy next door and like to know where your goods are at all times. This one can vary widely dependent upon the type of brief (think tightey whities vs. enhancing), but overall, briefs are going to give a classic, confident vibe and get you invited to a dinner at the ‘rents house.

Thong: You’re going to come off as quite the kinkster. This depends largely on which way you’re facing during the disrobing process, of course, but we have to imagine that ultimately this cut of underwear will produce either a “What have I done?” or “Score!” moment for your partner. Clearly, you like to show off, and you wear your sexuality on your sleeve, and yes, that’s to be admired… but if you’re hoping to come off as sexy and refined, maybe rethink this choice. Leave the thong for the third date, or for when you’ve put a ring on it so they can’t run away.

Boxer Short: Boxers are going to give you a laid back, come-what-may type guy reaction. Inhale… Yeah, man. You’re not going for dynamic, you’re just letting it all hang out, and being all you. You run the danger of looking like you weren’t really out to impress, but playing it cool has always been known as an aphrodisiac for some.. right?

Trunk: Trunks are going to reveal an innovator.. someone unswayed by standard thinking. Trunks show that you’ve seen the options in underwear, and have chosen to split the difference and get the best of all worlds. You’re interested in looking sexy, sure, but not at the cost of comfort. It’s equal parts give and take, it’s both underwear-for-me and underwear-for-them.

Jockstrap: Unless this date is post-softball game, jockstraps scream “Let’s get it on!” You’re a freak in the sheets, and looking to let loose that wild side. We imagine you’re maybe a buttoned up 9-to-5-er busting out the jock for a wild night on the town, or maybe you’re just a sporty guy that ran out of everything else. No matter what, though, you’re going to come across as though you’ve done this very same thing before and have your date thinking you’ve been waiting for this moment all night long. “I’m sorry, what’s your name again?”

Commando: Yowza. You totally went there. Screw manners, screw formalities: you, my friend, are not wasting time with pretenses. You’re certainly going to defy expectations, but come on, half the fun of candy is taking off the wrapper.

Hopefully now you’ve got a good feel for what that special (or just another) someone is going to think of you in that special situation. Remember, too, this is just the basics, with nothing said about color, patterns, or anything else! There’s so much to be read from that most intimate of apparel choices, but we wouldn’t sweat it too much. Chances are if you’ve made it this far in the game, your underwear choice is the last thing on anybody’s mind.


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