10 New Years Underwear Resolutions

by Michael Kleinmann

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that most new years resolutions don’t last because we aim too high. We’re only three days into ’13 and we’ve already broken ours! Damn cheeseburger…

We’ve compiled 10 new year’s resolutions you can adopt now or when your other ones fail, because regardless of the time of year, it’s important to be working towards something, like an improved underwear drawer. Resolutions that stick end up having great results, boosting not only our appearance or living habits, but confidence as well. So! To prove that you can handle abiding by a resolution, we’ve put together a list of 10 resolutions you can do that involve something as simple and everyday as your underwear. Small changes that, once you feel the benefits, will inspire you to try for bigger and better resolutions in the future.

10. Wash Your Underwear After Every Use

You’d think this deserved a great big “duh.” Right? A startling number of guys we’ve talked to admit to wearing their underwear two, three, even four days in a row if it meant holding off doing laundry for a few days. Think about this one, guys. Your underwear spends its time “where the sun don’t shine,” as they say, which means it gets very little air circulation, ends up retaining moisture from sweat and is in constant contact with your bum. ‘Nuff said. Few things in life feel better than the refreshing “whoooosh!” you feel after slipping on a fresh pair of undies, so make it a daily habit and use the extra laundry-doing time as a cardio workout.

9. Follow Proper Washing Instructions

We don’t mean to sound like your mother here, but following the proper washing instructions listed on the care label of your underwear is super important. Think of it like investing in a retirement fund: the more you put in, the more benefits you’ll reap. Benefits like nice, tight elastic waistbands that don’t droop, fabrics that retain their shape, colors that stay bright and underwear that just looks and fits better, longer. And it’s not even that hard to do–check our our guide to proper underwear care and see how easy it is to keep your undies looking like new.

8. Fold Your Underwear

You can use the “who cares if they’re wrinkled–nobody sees them!” argument all you want, but you know as well as we do how much better an underwear drawer containing neat little piles of nicely-folded underwear looks. And it doesn’t even take that much time. Put in a good movie, catch up on the news, or even put on your favorite song and fold away. You’re bound to get a sense of accomplishment every time you open your drawer, and that’s the gift that keeps on giving.

7. Buy in Bulk to Save Some Money 

If your attempt to save money by cutting back on your weekly beer intake was a flop, then you’ll really like this idea. Go for underwear sold in multi-packs instead of the more expensive singles, and watch the savings add up. Multi-packs are, on average, priced 50-70 per cent less than their single counterparts, and of the same quality and style, so you’re getting more for less, but for real. Check out our recent take on the new wave of multi-packs.

6. Try a New Style 

We’ll gladly acknowledge that underwear is one of those things that falls into the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” category, meaning that guys tend to wear the same brand and style for years without question. However, as someone who spends basically every waking hour talking about underwear, we say “a change will do you good,” especially considering all the different styles of men’s underwear available out there today. This change doesn’t have to be drastic–you can try something new within the confines of your underwear comfort zone. If you are still wearing the same 100% cotton boxer briefs you wore in high school, try a brief instead, and go the extra mile by opting for stretch cotton instead of the old fashioned stuff. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it’ll only make you look better.

5. Try a New Fabric

If switching out an entire style is too risky for you, but you still crave a little change, try a new fabric instead. Say you’re a basic cotton briefs kind of guy–why not switch up to stretch cotton (made by adding 10% spandex) or even modal, a natural fabric made from fibers of the beech tree, known for its silky soft touch and high moisture absorbency? Or if you really want to be adventurous, give one of the new microfiber fabrics a try. These are made from a polyester and spandex blend that’s super stretchy and forms a sleek fit on your body that feels cool and smooth against your skin. You can also opt for silk, another natural wonder loved around the world for its luxuriously soft texture.

4. Embrace Your Manhood

Profile enhancing underwear looks exactly like regular underwear on the outside, but features a special shaped pouch that boosts your package, resulting in a more prominent bulge. It’s like a push-up bra for guys, but way hotter. What are the benefits of a bigger bulge, you ask? Aside from the increased glances and winks, your confidence will soar, your manhood will feel more supported and your favorite jeans will once again look like they have that “special something” that made you buy them in the first place.

3. Get in Touch With Your Sexy Side

Next time you shop for underwear, take some time to check out the ever-expanding selection of the more risqué styles of men’s underwear, including sheer fabrics, more revealing cuts and designs intended to show off more than just skin. Indulging your wild side feels great–giving your body a chance to shine in a pair of underwear that is, shall we say, more creatively designed will give you an instant confidence boost. And if you’re lucky enough to wrap up each day with with a significant other, they’ll share the thrill of your new foray into the sexy side.

2. Color it Up

If grey is the most adventurous shade in your underwear collection, try correcting the color levels of your underwear by adding some bright colors. If you’re Italian or Brazilian, you wouldn’t have to worry about such drabness in the underwear drawer, since both cultures celebrate the new year wearing colorful underwear, red for the former and yellow for the latter. They believe the color brings money and fortune, but we don’t recommend holding your breath for either. Instead, opt for undies in all the shades of the rainbow, and start your day with a burst of bright that will treat your mood to a little dose of color therapy.

1. Spring Cleaning

Even if you’ve taken every bit of advice we’ve offered here, there’s still one major resolution we all can make to ensure a happier life: cleaning out your underwear drawer. No matter how thoroughly you care for your underwear, how meticulously you fold it or how much you just love it, underwear just doesn’t last forever, and once it starts showing signs of wear and tear, like overstretched elastic, faded colors and holes, it’s time to toss it out. We’re pretty sure that traditional new year’s song “Auld Lang Syne” means, “Throw away your gross old underwear,” anyway, so this year, act on it and make room for a fresh new supply.

Photo Credit: Seth London

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